Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
