4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
