ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
