what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
