As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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