it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
