i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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