I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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