Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do vagina's smell?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
