I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize