Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
