My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
