Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
