idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
