you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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