girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
