i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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