you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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