im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
