He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
