She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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