so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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