Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
