my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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