Don't make out with my wife yet
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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