A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
