So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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