Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
