i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
