He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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