i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
