so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
