even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
