His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
