Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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