i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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