I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize