Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
