So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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