May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
