So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
