I need help removing her.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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