I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My life is pants optional.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
