I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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