Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My life is pants optional.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
