Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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