how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
