i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
please come you make the beer taste better
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you inspire me to be a worse person
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
