i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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