I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
