We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize