Just fell off a train. Bad.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
