A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
