Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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