I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just found puke in my bra..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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