If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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