It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize