We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
