please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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