she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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