i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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