Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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