Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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