so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
