i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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